Saying No

Choose Happiness is one of the best pages I have seen on Facebook – it definitely floats my boat!  Check them out – I think you will like them!

They posted something recently about having the right to say no to anything, and it made me think about not so long ago, when I had a real hard time saying no to anything. There were so many reasons – if I say no, they will never ask me again; they will not find anyone to do whatever it is they need done; they won’t like me anymore (yes, I actually thought that); the list goes on and on.

I finally reached the point where I had to say no.  I was doing too many things that I didn’t necessarily want to do, and trying to cram too many things into my already crowded life.  Saying no, and eventually not feeling guilty about it, was one of the best things I ever learned.   But it wasn’t easy learning how exactly to say no; there are a lot of people out there who seem to think that no just means that you need more convincing!

So here is what I learned, in a nutshell.  I have the right to say no (or yes) whenever I want.  I do not owe anyone an explanation as to why I turn something down.  If I feel pressured to say anything, my standard response is that I am already committed.  And I might add, if someone does pressure me for more explanation than that,  it pretty much lessens the chance that I will say yes to them in the future. 

The bottom line is that I get to choose for me.  I get to choose how I want to spend my time, who I want to spend it with,  how I want to move forward with my life.  This is not to say that I never do anything that I don’t particularly want to do.  But when I do, it is because it is something that I think is important enough that it needs to get done, even if it is not something that I love to do.  I say yes because of how I feel about it, not because someone else thinks it is important. And as an additional benefit, since I am at choice about it, it takes it out of the whining zone for me.  Even if I don’t like it, I don’t get to whine about it – after all, it was my choice to do it.

I have started to think of saying no as one of the most important acts of exquisite self-care that I can do.

How are you with saying no?  Is it hard for you?  Do you think it is important? Do you have any secrets for saying no?  Do share…..

2 comments to Saying No

  • Max Baldonado

    Thank you Judy…for your insight. I have always had an issue with saying no. I resonate with the feeling of not being called back or considered.

    • Judy Stoffel Loewen

      But isn’t it funny how when someone quits calling, someone else always starts? You just have to take that leao of faith! :+)

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