Someone once accused me of holding a grudge since my senior year of high school. It really shocked me for 2 reasons, #1 – this person didn’t even know me then, and, #2 – it was about something for which I had no reason to hold a grudge. It didn’t bother me at the time, and it didn’t bother me now. In fact, I had forgotten about it, until the subject came up – 40 years later. The thing that probably bothered me the most about this was the fact that there was no way to explain this to the person accusing me of holding that grudge. I didn’t even try, because no matter what I said, it would have been turned around to prove that I was holding a grudge. It just didn’t really matter. And now I am probably holding a grudge about that – go figure!

It has taken me a large part of my life to be okay with letting people think what they are going to think, without explaining myself to them. I think that I am finally realizing that there are some people who don’t really want an explanation, and, to them, any explanation is just a challenge to change my mind, or prove me wrong.

So, better late than never, I have become a person who doesn’t often offer explanations. I think I used to offer explanations to people because I thought it would persuade them to agree with me. It took a lot of years to realize that it just doesn’t natter. It doesn’t really matter if a stranger understands why I did what I did; it doesn’t matter if some stranger agrees with me. What matters to me is that I made my decision with the best information I had at the time, and when I get better information, I can reconsider my decision.

If you really want an explanation, go ahead and ask me for one. I may give you one or I may not. I now realize that I don’t owe anyone an explanation, though if you sincerely want to know, I may give you one.

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