I am still trying to be comfortable with not knowing what is going on. It isn’t getting any easier; I still don’t know anything. But I do feel a little better, so maybe I am learning to let go a little.
I recently realized that part of my pain is caused by the fact that I expect people to be like me. I am far from perfect, but I do try to treat people like I would like to be treated, and I try to let people know what is going on – especially when I have information that I know they don’t have.
It astounds me that people say they will keep me informed, or call me tomorrow, or things like that, and then I never hear from them again. If it were me, I would call when I said I would, even if it is just to say that I don’t know anything yet, or that I am still working on it. That would at least let people know that they have not slipped through the cracks.
But other people are not me, and it’s important for me to realize that. I find myself wondering if I should call and find out what’s going on, or if I should just wait until I am called back. But then I worry that I have slipped through the cracks, and that my issue is not being worked on at all. I am really stuck. If I don’t call, and it turns out that no one is working my issue, by the time I do call, it may be too late. If I do call, I run the risk that I will annoy the people who are trying to help me, and my intent is not to bother people.
I understand that I am not the only person in the world, and that people have more to worry about than just me. But would it kill people to do what they say they are going to do? I would be happy at this point if someone called when they said they would, even if all they tell me is they haven’t got an answer yet.
In the meantime, I am trying to be patient, but patience is not my strong suit.
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